My Amazing Mind Control Powers

You read that title correctly.  I have the ability to control the minds of other people.  I can make people feel however I want them to feel and they can’t do a thing about it.  I was hesitant about making this superpower public but I just can’t keep it secret any longer.

Ah, I see there are some skeptics in the readership.  I expect nothing less from people smart enough to read my blog so I have prepared several examples of my powers in action.

Example 1:
I was in the parking lot at a national chain department store the other day when I saw a guy patiently waiting for a parking space.  I decided to test my powers on him so I sneaked into the spot on my motorcycle while the previous occupant was still backing out.  As I had anticipated, he immediately became angry and gestured rudely..

You see I made him angry.  He had no control over his feelings.  It was all me.  I then made him throw up a very rude hand sign.  He couldn’t have stopped himself.  I had complete control over his actions.


Example 2:
Just last week I decided to make other guys jealous so I took my wife out to dinner.  That was all it took.

Their feelings of raging jealousy seeing my amazing wife with me, a real dork, were completely out of their control.


Example 3:
My son was incredibly annoyed yesterday after I told him he had to stop playing video games to empty our recyclables.

Again, there was no way he could have felt any differently because I made him feel that way.


I see that you’re not buying it.  You don’t think it was super-human powers at all.

Well, you’re right.  I don’t have superpowers at all.  I know you’re shocked.  I’m such a fraud.

But if my non-existent superpowers didn’t cause the feelings and actions of these individuals, what did?  Certainly, one can’t logically claim I caused these changes without the ability to control the minds of others.

No, the answer is that each of our actions, thoughts, and feelings are our own.  We instinctively perceive, process, and respond to stimuli in the world around us.  How we choose to respond, however, is a choice.

Why, then, do so many claim that someone made them do something or that someone made them feel a certain way?  We see it all through the media.  People blame corporations for poverty.  They blame politicians for hatred.  They blame guns for crime.

You know who’s responsible when a psycho shoots up a mall?  The psycho is.

Isn’t it time we all take responsibility for our own feelings and actions?  Isn’t it time to stop laying the blame on someone else?

The bottom line is that no other person can “make” you do, say, or feel anything.  “The devil made me do it,” is a nonsensical statement.  What you do or say and the way you feel are all under your control.  The way you think and feel is a choice.  You get to decide how you will or won’t respond in any given situation.

It’s time to take personal responsibility and stop blaming others for your inability to control yourself.

Unfortunately, I am not the only one with these amazing abilities.  My wife just made me very sad when she informed me we were out of bacon.

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